i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize