At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to have your abortion
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
