Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize