For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
