Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
