Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
