ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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