Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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