i already hear my dad disowning me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
