were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
