let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
