I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
