you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
