It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
