ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
