I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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