The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
