Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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