He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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