: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
