Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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