It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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