He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
