I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
