Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
