I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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