sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize