i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
