i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
