he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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