He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize