So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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