Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
