Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
