It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
