I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
