There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize