I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
