I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
