I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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