these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize