Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
