It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
