And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
