i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
