Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
