i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
