theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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