your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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