He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
