im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize