so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
