i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
