haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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