I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize