Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm always down for nudity.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
