The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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