Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
