So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
