i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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