so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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