just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
