I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
