Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
