hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i came on her dog
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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