And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
