Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
