At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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