The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
