..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
