The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
