I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
