There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize