After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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