I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
