Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
